Okay. went 4e2 bbq today at caroline's house. met up with letitia at mall. missed her. so long nvr see her liao.. bought drinks and stuff then went caroline's house.. this time, ppl bbq, i eat. heehee. actually it was kind of boring. i also not close to them. then ubaidah didnt come today. so felt kind of outcast today also. lucky got letitia. but then, if she didnt go, i wouldnt have gone anw. still, it was nice meeting up with everyone. miss all those crazy shit. the guys keep taupok each other. funny sia. Lol. everyone was saying how their classmates suck and everything, how it couldnt be compared to 4e2. but apparently, not me. i actually kind of prefer poly friends. sort of. just that i miss ubaidah and letitia only.. left at 9pm with letitia. wanted to play pool. but then the others afternoon alr went le. bojio me ): proves how outcast i am. sigh.
Today made me realise just how much of a drifter i am. i always drift from group to group, never really settling in one. except for sec 3&4 when ubaidah came into my life. due to me being straightforward and frankly, not thinking before i speak, i tend to offend many ppl. sometimes, without even knowing that i offended them. as i grew older, i came to realise the whys and tried to change that bad habit, sometimes to no avail. hence, i have very little friends. ppl who know me thinks that i have a lot of friends but its actually not true. im just drifting. there are really very few ppl who can tolerate me. so im very grateful that i knew ubaidah. she's a nice person. doesnt get angry at anything. actually she does, but she nvr show it, always bearing with it. because of that, she didnt mind when i sometimes blurt out unintentional things or when i pms. somehow im always in a pms mood in sec sch. suddenly high, suddenly buaysong, suddenly emo.. ahhh really really miss her ): Now, im in poly alr. nice classmates. its only the beginning few months, and i alr feel sort of outcast. even though im always with them in a group, i still feel that i dont really fit in. like, somehow, there's always a distance, an awkward silence. whenever i stand apart from them and observe, i can see how comfortable they are with each other&everything. even if its just 2 ppl and not a group. im comfortable with them in a group. but when its just me and someone, there's always a time where awkward silence comes in. sigh. idk if its me not being able to open up or because my personality caused them to not be able to talk to me comfortably? ahhhh. then now, quite close to jieying. even though she's in p02. strangely, i feel that im closer to her than to the girls in my class. probably cause she's like ubaidah, happy personality. but i think cause different class, there's always a point in time where there'll be awkward silence. hope it gets better. but that'll probably take at least 6months to a year. ohwell. the most remain as loner ba.
Me&ubaidah<3
Saw him and her tgt. now really obvious they tgt le. think they not denying anymore? but yeah. dont think they will last long. boy, you told me you treat her as a sister& had no feelings for her. i didn't believe you; proves that was a good judgement. cause you two got tgt huh? &idk if the other guy minded. he's her ex after all and you're sort of his good friend. they break up, you get tgt with his ex gf? wts la. i was looking at the other guy just now, wondering if he minded it or not. probably not since he doesnt have anymore feelings for her. but i dont think he feels good that YOU are with her. tsk. whatever. not my problem. if you ever see this, i have no doubt you'll know im talking abt you. its fucking obvious. you know why i didnt accept you? cause i had a feeling that you and her was just simple friends/bro-sis. turns out to be true eh?
♥our lips must always be sealed
6/15/2012 12:06:00 AM
Did I hear someone say "chocolate"? 
Friday